Crenellated Flotsam

The other day when shopping I picked up some organic bananas, something I’d never had before. From my science classes I knew that “organic” meant there was carbon in them, and I wondered if I could taste it. I don’t taste as well as I used to, but even if I couldn’t taste the carbon I figured it would do me some good. Maybe help my kidneys with the filtering or, if I were lucky, it might make me lightweight and stealthy.

I didn’t have any choice, really. The market didn’t have any “regular” bananas, not that I could see, but everyone shopping there just looked so much healthier than those I normally see that I knew I was onto a good thing. And, not only healthier, but I had a hunch they were all wittier and also better in bed. These were the people I could see at one glance that were the ones reaping fully of the benefits of living in 21st Century America. Gods and Goddesses, every one.

I wasn’t too fooled about the banana, though. In spite of the carbon I knew it was the same banana I’d been eating all my life. Since the early 1920s there’s only been one banana sold in the US, and by “one banana” I mean exactly that.

Bananas are one of my favorite fruits, but I realize they’re a marvel of cultivation and genetic modification. They’re sterile, we’ve bred the seeds right out of them, and each and every banana is genetically identical. They’re clones, if you will, and if you thought there was really only one banana plant and all they were doing was hacking of bits of it and replanting it to make two plants, you’d be right.

You can make some good money in bars with this information. Pick anyone under eighty and bet them they’ve never had more than one banana. Everyone we know, most likely, and us have all been eating the same banana all our lives.

That’s going to change, however, once the banana blight kills off this plant. I understand banana scientists are hard at work right now trying to find a successor to our current banana, which I think is called the “cavendish.” It replaced some “gold” or “golden” something or other, the banana that I’m told was tastier but was wiped out and generated the song “Yes, We Have No Bananas.”

I doubt a similar song will be spawned, but one can hope.

Anyway, this organic banana, not surprisingly, tasted good, and I could hardly discern the carbon.

Okay, I admit it, yesterday I had moment’s smugness and, for once, it wasn’t directed at those who get their news and opinions from Fox news or Drudge. I didn’t know it at the time, but it was on Palm Sunday, too, a day when I should know better than to be sinning.

Still, I don’t think pride, or prideful gloating, is against any of the Commandments, just one of the sins talked about by the one, true Church. Even so, it can’t be a good thing to be so smug, but I can’t say I feel very bad about it.

And, I’m nowhere near the first to notice this. I think mention of it pre-dates jokes about airline food.

I took a little walk from the home I’m watching to visit a store and buy some bread and other food. On the way, after leaving the street with practical stores withSpanish names and turning onto the one whose stores had names like “sensual” (lower case) or “Infinitude” and who sold goods that can only be described as “luxury,” I ran across yet another place advertising itself as “LA’s finest gym.” It took me a moment to register that I was walking in front of three or four guys carefully dressed in co-ordinating outfits who were lazing along on treadmills.

It took me but a moment more to realize they were doing the same thing I was (walking), but I was doing it for free, as a consequence of going to the market, and they were doing it as a goal, after having driven to the gym.

There was a big sign out front of the gym ($119 for three months), which isn’t a bad price, I guess, but for their money these guys get personal trainers who produce specialized regiments, and the use of a wide variety of state of the art equipment. I’d like to try some of those things out, but as far as walking goes, well, I think I got a better view than they did.

It was on the way home that it dawned on me that it was Palm Sunday. I passed a church, and that was written on the placard out front. There was a steady stream of women with children walking toward the church, but I didn’t say any men with them. This struck me as odd, but maybe there was a big game on the TV, or (more likely) the men were all home nursing hangovers.

The only other thing I considered noteworth was the name of the church: St Francis of Assisi Catholic Church. I don’t know as too many non-Catholic religions would name a church after a Catholic saint, so I consider their specifying that it’s a Catholic church is unnecessary. Maybe there’s been some pushing and shoving with the Anglicans or Greek Orthodox, though, so it may be a necessary distinction. I have to say that when I see a church named after a Catholic saint, my first guess is it’s a Catholic church.

When I see a church named “Christ’s Salvation,” I have no idea what to make of it, but I think if I were to found one, I’d call it “Sweet Mother of Christ.” That sounds religious enough.

Years ago I read a review in Consumer Reports about shampoos. I don’t remember who won, but I do remember them saying the two following things:

1) Shampoos, they said, are chemically identical to dishwashing soap, but with the addition of fragrances. This is no longer true, I don’t think, since my dishwashing soap smells like apples.

2) No matter which shampoo you use, you should use another one every so often. Evidentally, each shampoo leaves part of itself as a residue, and that can only be removed by using a competing product.

I was thinking about those things when I recently used, for the first time ever!, some deep pore cleanser product. As soon as I spread it on my skin, I wondered how the less deep pores would feel about being neglected, and felt bad for them. The stuff is gritty, and it felt identical to Lava, a soap I used quite a bit earlier in life, and which I now see is owned by the WD-40 people.

I don’t know how much this deep cleaning potion costs, but I have a hunch it’s more than either Lava or the more masterly Boraxo. I once had a job, one in an office, where the men’s room had Boraxo, and I always considered that to be a nod toward our gonads. No women’s room, ever, has Boraxo!

I have another hunch. Marketeers may have learned that people will pay more for any product that’s described as a “body wash” or cleanser, much more than they would for a soap. This is the kind of thinking that not only keeps our country great, but profitable as well.